Noah Plot holes

Minor plot hole: 30 seconds into the movie, Noah’s dad starts an important rite of passage ceremony with his son and doesn’t notice an entire army of 200 men with heavy armor on a flat field walking towards him until he can hear them breathe because the camera crew didn’t film in the opposite direction.

Major Plot hole: How can Noah transfer his godly powers to his granddaughters at the end of the movie with the foreskin of the Eden snake around his arm when his own father didn’t get to finish the same ritual on him when he was a boy? Those girls got a ‘’light transfer’’ on them but Noah never did. And why is this Snake necessary? Isn’t it supposed to represent the Devil? Why would God want his chosen one to use Satan imagery in his rituals? Because Illuminati of course !

Plot contrivance: Noah proudly proclaims to Tubal-Cain and his fellowship of angry extras that he is building an ark to save all the animals and his family from an incoming flood that will swiftly kill all of them instead of shutting the fuck-up. Great way to undermine your objective Noah – it’s not like people will try to commandeer your ark once it starts raining hard. Or perhaps it was God’s plan.

Plot contrivance: Noah makes the point that humans are not worth saving because even nice and lovely mothers, like his wife, would do anything to save her children – which is very similar to how every animal known on the planet and aboard the ark would react if their babies were threatened. Similarly, he adds that humans are not worth saving because they eat other animals – which is very similar to half the species in his ark who all happen to be strictly carnivorous. I admire your consistency Noah.

Unaddressed Issue: If Noah’s grandfather has magic powers from God – why would Noah be against his daughter having kids if the only way for those kids to be alive is through the power of God given to his Grandfather?

Unaddressed Issue: Noah’s grandfather has an awesome level 65 Fire Sword from heaven that can kill an entire army. That would have been useful for the fight against Tubal-Cain and his men. Where was that sword and why didn’t he give it to Noah?

Unaddressed Issue: The low-budget transformers known as the Watchers are fallen angels who lost God’s grace and are now stuck on Earth in CGI-form for the rest of time. That is, until God decided they were worthy again of their past angel ways after he witnessed them murdering hundreds of men trying to survive a flood by crushing their skulls with their giant Geodude fists. Is this the traditional process to become an angel?

Unaddressed Issue: What about all the plants? For a not-so-subtle pro-green movie you would assume Noah’s plan would have something to do with preserving vegetation considering God is FLOODING EVERYTHING because human wickedness is destroying the flora. But if God can recreate plants out of thin air – why not animals? Why not humans? Anyway, we just hired a new non-paid volunteer to answer our emails – I’m sure he is looking forward to the wave of cyber religious zealots. This will be a great rite of passage for him sans snake foreskin unfortunately.

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