Men In Black 3 Plot holes

Minor Plot hole: Picture this: You are in an empty baseball stadium in New York City. An alien maniac with a vagina in his right hand is having sex with his motorcycle’s handlebar while driving towards you from the other side of the stadium – hundreds of feet away. Would you notice the motorcycle before it got right behind you?

Of course you would. Don’t be a dumb-ass. But Agent Kay and Jay didn’t notice anything. You see, the villain’s motorcycle was completely silent before it reached the Men in Black. But the second he grabbed the alien Griffin with his non-climaxed hand – it started to be loud.

Minor Plot hole: At the beginning of the movie, a pussycat doll with zippers going as low as her high heels (in case her character description wasn’t clear enough) brings a decoy-cake in Lunar Max prison facility in order to free the villain of the story: Boris the vagina-man.  And it works.

This situation is completely plausible because maximum security prisons accept visitors. You know, like Guantanamo Bay – except this one is a tiny bit more complicated to reach because it is on the fucking moon. This situation is also plausible because maximum security prisons barely scan people and objects they bring in and outside of their doors. Since the TSA gropes any handicapped child in airports in fear of an undeclared juice-box in their wheelchairs – it is convincing to see security guards of the most complex American prison in the World use cheap metal detectors over subjects and objects that could potentially bring biological technology with them. Oh and one last thing: Why did it take 43 years to find that insect?

Minor Plot hole: At the end of the movie, the Robin Williameske alien is scared that the World will end because Kay didn’t leave any tip on the table. He sees an asteroid coming directly towards Earth. Kay comes back and puts some bills on the table which then alters his Armageddon scenario – confirmed by a satellite hitting the asteroid and thus saving Earth. Ok. I will try to say this as nice and diplomatic as possible: If that is the best you can do screenwriter – you should use your time device to go back in time to give your own mother an abortion with a spatula.

If an Asteroid gets destroyed by a small human satellite…’s not big enough to destroy the Earth or anything. If a true Armageddon asteroid was coming towards the Earth, it could hit the international space station dead-on and it wouldn’t care. It would still fall down on your ass laughing about how wrong you were.

Major Plot hole: Oh no ! The Men In black need to put the ArcNet shield in space in order to protect the Earth. Oh no ! The only human rocket available to deploy the shield is Apollo 11 and they only have 6 hours to reach it. Did you guys think about calling NASA? You know, you are in MIB. I’m surprised you are not already working with NASA all the time as their boss. The government knows about your organization – they are giving you money for it. Could you just call them and tell NASA to postpone the launch by a few hours so that you can get there with more troops to hunt down Boris the vagina-Man?

Oh sorry, that idea is a waste of time considering you have ALIEN SPACESHIPS EVERYWHERE in your headquarters!! Just take the fastest and most durable alien ship for a quick ride – drop the arcNet Shield – and boom, it’s done. I mean how stupid do you have to be? Don’t forget the spatula !

Super Plot hole At this point you should all know that adding time travel to a story that has nothing to do with time travel is the equivalent of carefully squatting and taking a shit all over your screenplay – page by page – for maximum destruction. The result is the same: an incomprehensible mess that brings only shame to you and everyone that ever loved you.  If there are time travel devices, why aren’t people using them all the time to go back in time and do whatever they want ? Yes they say it is illegal to use them – you know, because making something illegal totally stops people from using things in the real world right? So the mere existence of time travel as a possibility for anything by anyone pretty much nullifies the whole conflict and universe of this series.To make this point, please enjoy the following wall of questions:

Why did Boris the Vagina-man go back to 1969 instead of any year before that when Kay was a young boy who would not have been able to put up a fight against him? Why did Jay go back in time the day Boris the Vagina-Man killed Kay instead of a few days earlier to plan his attack? Why did the Broglodite aliens wait more than 40 years to attack Earth in the changed timeline where the ArcShield wasn’t operational in 1969? Did they get lost on the way? Does that mean the whole story would fall to shit if the Broglodite aliens came to attack Earth even just a day before Will Smith decided to do a time jump? How can that nerd guy keep a log of all the people who time traveled with his devices? Since the timelines always change he would never have met any of them, how can his log show that Boris time-jumped in 1969? When Jay time-jumps with Boris the Vagina-Man 30 seconds in the past, why is there no Jay & Boris from 30 seconds ago with Jay & Boris from the present all together on the launch structure? How can Kay and Jay have the same discussion on the phone in the altered timeline if he met Jay as a time traveler when he was 29? Wouldn’t the butterfly effect of this event at least change forever their relationship?

This is shitting on your screenplay. Don’t do it.

Retroactive Continuity: If time travel is possible and rather easy to do, why wasn’t it used in the last two movies – or at least mentioned as a last resort possibility? Yeah right, because the last two screenplays never intended this movie series to be about time travel in the first place!

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